Every blog needs a 'how-to' post once in a while...

So I've been driving old people back from church a bit this week because my uncle, who normally does it, is in canberra at the moment.

I do not profess to be an expert on this in any way, but there are essentials to know when you go about this activity.

1. Drive slowly. i.e. v = (speed limit -5km/hr) +/- 5km/hr

Apparently you can cause the elderly to have back pain if you drive too fast due to the need to brake harder when you slow down. You have to imagine any possible pains you are causing them when you brake and then double that potential pain. It's just a safety margin.

Your braking has to be so gentle and gradual that nobody jerks forward even remotely when you stop. If any passengers jerk forward in their seat when you stop at some lights for example, you have failed your mission. *fail buzzer* 'buh-bunggg'

2. Change the radio station to Mix 101.1FM or Light 89.9FM

It must be easy listening. Acoustics are a plus. Metal is game over.

Sometimes even Mix 101.1FM has loud and potentially stroke-rendering music! If Miley Cyrus - See you again (or whatever that crap song is called) comes on, I think Mix does play it ocassionally, change to Light FM.

And it may be obvious, but avoid any songs with expletives in the lyrics. The elderly folk do not need to hear the words f*** and c***. Agreed?

Notable songs to avoid:

• Ian Carey Project - Get Shaky;
• Anything from Metallica's album: Kill 'em All;
• Scorpions - Rock You Like a Hurricane;
• etc,

So keep your ears pricked up and ready to change that dial before a guitar solo starts and bursts somebody's coronary artery.

3. Acceleration: do not rev too hard.

If you are going up a steep hill and your car isn't powerful enough, don't sweat it.

Do NOT try and build up speed 30km/hr over the speed limit to get some momentum to cruise up that hill...

Just chug along and go up the hill at whatever speed it ends up being by the time you get there. There is no rush.

4. Slow down excessively at speed humps and stop before roundabouts and cut-out left turns.

If you normally cruise through that left cut-out at 50km/hr when you see it's clear. Do NOT do that this time around. Slow down to a complete stop, check for traffic even though there won't be any and proceed. Same applies for roundabouts, but even more so.

5. Finally, do not drive a beast.

The elderly do not care for turbo.

They do not care how loud your engine is.

They like peace and quiet, and a smooth ride.