Sunday, August 5, 2007

feelings - tim.

It's funny how time seems to get quicker as we grow up. Don't u remember back in the days of primary school where it felt like forever for just 1 year to pass? I do, heh. But now in our final year of high school and only about 3 months left, it's quite scary!! It's a weird feeling though, because part of myself wishes that time would just slow down a bit and let my high school days linger forever haha. But then the other part of me, wishes to get it over and done with as soon as possible. I think when u think about it... it comes down to, well .. one word that came to me was fear. I suppose i'm scared of a lot of thing. I'm scared of missing and losing a lot of awesome friends i've made throughout my six years of glenny... i'm going to miss just bumping into random peoples and familiar faces around in school, haha and yeh i think i will even miss the crappy lockerbays, heh. So i guess thats the reason why i want time to slow down a bit.

Hah, but then i'm also sacred of exams and results of the VCE!! This is the reason why i want to get 2007 over and done with hehe. I feel like for the first time in a long time, i'm totally on my own and it's all up to me (haha except god, he's the man! always with me and i love him!). I mean.. VCE is a funny thing, u know. It's really hard, and really demanding and even at this point of time, just over the middle of my VCE, i still don't think i understand fully what i've goten myself into. Lately i've been, well i've been sick but even before that, i feel like i should be doing more, if u get me? I mean, sure in my head and in every class i'm like really focused to learn, and sure like i finish my homework (thats questionable) but like, when i do finish a lot of stuff, i feel like it's not enough? argh i have no idea if this is making any sense, hehe.

I guess the reason why i'm thinking about all this stuff is that, tomorrow we get our midyear exam results back, and i am really scared and worried and it's a feeling i can't even write down, and i know.. like you know God has a purpose and plan for me, and he knows... and all, and i really do take comfort in that, and i've been praying really hard especially to give myself some strengh and courage to recieve my result marks. I'm just .. like, sometimes it's like "AHA whoa.. this is it." And then imagine me at the end of the year, oh my goodness i don't even want to handle that!!

I'm not a very smart person, seriously. I mean there are people out there that are super super smart and, at best i'm average. And i know how people always go "oh no your so smart" and it's nice to hear things like that, but u just remember like the truth though. Because honestly i don't think anything naturally comes to me, the subjects that i'm good at.. well my better subjects like english, biology and psychology, i actually had to work really hard to understand it, and i did so well this year in biology and psychology, but i feel like.. when the exam came, i crashed and burnt... and it's really sad, no seriously. Which makes it worst for me, for my subjects like maths and accounting, i'm just soo not good at stuff like that, and i think thats why i feel like i'm not doing enough, because if i had to work 2 hours to grasp a biology concept from memory, or a psychology study off the top of my head, and i'm spending like the same time into accounting, and it's not kinda working.. i should be spending more hours into that... but then i feel like i've got no time for my other subjects and my good subjects will then slowly become quite average. And thats what happend for my english oral sac this year, i didn't put time into it, well enough time because i was trying to do accounting and it showed, and it was quite detriment to my english average.

heh, anyways that must be so depressing to read haha! So i'll finish off on a happy note.

Thoughout my whole life, my family have always been there for me unconditionally. I mean, i know, when people see me they like always say i'm spoit and like, lucky in a way? And i am! really i am. My mum and dad and brother are so nice to me, and i'm sooo thankful for that, because even though we fight a lot when it comes down to something imporant, we're always there for each other. I really have a lot of respect for my parents, because i know my brother and myself weren't easy to rise lol. I think i finally learnt, took me long enough... haha, that mum and dad are always right, no matter how wrong they seem. They have this amazing ability to see into the future and look at the bigger picture, and when something seems unfair or not right now, you probably can't see it, but i'm sure they can. Even ur older brother or sister! my brother is always anoying me soo badly! but then he's always doing heaps for me and giving me advice from his own experiences, and i know a lot of times i just can't be bothered listening to him but, come on he's my older brother and he just wants to look out for me. I just think family is really important, they know you better then anyone else and i guess i'm just trying to say, it's alright to depend on them. We all want to be indepedant and all and it's great, but just don't become too independent. logging off,
timmy.


Posted by timtamz @ 6:33 PM 3 letter(s) to the editor

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